I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
