I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
