we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
