so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
