is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize