they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
