Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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