Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
