I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
