..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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