the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
