Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
