ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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