Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
