She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
