I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
