If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
