I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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