And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
