If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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