I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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