somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize