I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will pee on everything he values.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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