He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
