$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
