Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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