Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
