it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
