It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Couch. On fire.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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