Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
