so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
