how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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