respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
