Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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