Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
