): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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