mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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