I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want to have your abortion
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We left the knife in your bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
