so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
