apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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