he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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