I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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