we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
