apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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