god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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