Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
