I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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