I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
