It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
