I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
