Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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