I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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