Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
