He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
