Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize