A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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