I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
