The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
