did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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