Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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