I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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