he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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