This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize