Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
