The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
