well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
