Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A+ Viking dick
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