Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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