you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
