Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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