Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
