She said her name was "party"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
