Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dignity is for republicans.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
