thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
