She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
