you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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