marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
