Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
