i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
