Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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