I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
